fiveofnone: made by rogueinladysclothing on DW (looking up at nonsense)
[personal profile] fiveofnone
The Tigh residence was a stone cottage in a more remote part of the island’s forest. Fir trees lined the property, their evergreen needle-like leaves adding color to the otherwise drab, overcast day.

Caspar’s pace had been steady and resolute the entire way there, but he hesitated at the front door, tensing instinctively. Adia took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. She had agreed to go with him, of course, for emotional support. She was also admittedly curious to meet one of the Final Five. Ellen had quite the checkered past: the adulterous, alcoholic wife of a colonel and a traitor to the Resistance, poisoned for her crimes only to return as a Cylon and an eventual ally of humanity.

Not to mention, she was responsible for creating Caspar’s model.

“I hate this,” Caspar whispered, holding her hand as tightly as he dared. “I hate this, I hate this.”

She hated it, too. Seeing him like this. For a moment, she was tempted to tell him that he didn’t have to do this today. Or ever, if it upset him that much. That wasn’t the right sort of encouragement, though. She squeezed his hand again, to remind him that she was here. He wasn’t facing his fears alone.

Caspar glanced at her. A brief smile appeared on his face, as pained as it was, before he squared his shoulders and knocked firmly on the door, his expression one of clinical disdain.

The door opened almost immediately. Ellen stood on the other side, dressed in a turtleneck and jeans, looking every bit a fashionable, mature woman. “Caspar, you made it,” she said with a warm smile. Her gaze shifted to Adia and her smile grew. “You must be Adia. Oh, you look as sweet as I imagined. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Adia smiled uncertainly while Caspar rolled his eyes. She could feel how stiff and irritated he already was, all the way down to their joined hands. “We’re here, Ellen. Can we save the small talk and get this over with?”

Ellen’s smile turned rueful. “Of course,” she said, stepping back so that the couple could enter. “This is for your benefit, Caspar, not mine. I did make some tea, if either of you would like a cup?”

“I’d like a cup, thank you,” Adia replied politely. Caspar shrugged in acquiescence. There were lines of rudeness one did not cross, and refusing an offering of food or drink from a host was one of them, even for him.

“Great. Have a seat, I’ll be right there.” She gestured to a low couch on the far side of the room. The layout inside was similar to her and Caspar’s cabin, although there appeared to be an additional room. A bedroom, if she had to guess, since there was no bed that she could see. No sign of Ellen’s husband, either. Saul must have decided to make himself scarce during their visit. Considering the history between the former colonel and the Fives, that was a wise decision.

Adia sat down as directed. Caspar settled next to her, as close as he could get without sitting in her lap, still holding her hand.

Ellen came over soon after with a tea service. It was a beautiful porcelain set, delicately patterned with pale blue violets. A perk of her former life, perhaps? She set it on the table in front of them, but it wasn’t until she chose the ottoman on the other side that Caspar finally relaxed enough to let go of Adia’s hand and pour both of them a cup. “Honey?” he asked her quietly, and she gave him a nod.

He sweetened her tea, then passed it over to her, Ellen watching all the while. The older woman smiled, but she waited until Caspar had his own cup in hand before pouring her own. “It’s chamomile,” she informed them. “I grew it in my garden.”

“Small talk,” Caspar muttered before taking a sip.

Ellen let out a small laugh. “Sorry. It’s what I do best.” She picked up her tea, her expression sobering. “You want to know about your model’s origin. Correct? I can tell you, but I need to start at the beginning.” She glanced at Adia. “How much do you know, dear? About the thirteenth colony?”

“Oh… um.” Adia inhaled a bit of the calming fragrance from her cup before replying. “I was told that it was made up of Cylons who were able to reproduce biologically, but had lost the ability to resurrect. But, um, then you and the others rediscovered the technology?”

Ellen smiled and nodded. “That’s right. Although it wasn’t simply the five of us. There was an entire research facility full of scientists working on resurrection technology. We were simply the ones who successfully cloned our bodies first. There would have been more… many more.” Slowly, she lost her smile. “But the war with the Centurions ended in mutual annihilation before we could make that dream a reality.”

She turned her attention to Caspar. “When we resurrected on our ship, we knew that we had to find the other twelve colonies and warn them to not make the same mistake. To convince them that Centurions were not soulless machines, they were sentient beings who deserved the same rights that we did. To deny them would only lead to destruction.”

“That’s when you found us,” Caspar said, narrowing his eyes.

“Yes.” Her rueful smile returned, full force. “Your ancestors were so angry, as they had every right to be. That’s why we offered them our resurrection technology in exchange for leaving humanity alone.” She sighed and looked down at her tea. “Seemed like the right thing to do at the time…”

“Why didn’t you at least warn them about what they were getting into?” Caspar demanded, words clipped by the tightness in his jaw. “They didn’t know what it was like to be biological. To be limited.”

Ellen raised an eyebrow at that. “Is it limiting to love, Caspar? To be able to touch someone with flesh instead of metal? To see the universe as more than binary?” She sighed and added, “But you’re right. We should have been more clear about what it meant to be a biological Cylon. It would have saved everyone a lot of heartache.”

Adia could tell that Caspar wanted to argue more, but Ellen’s capitulation made that impossible. “What happened next?” he asked instead. “Why eight models?”

“There could have been more, but that’s when One lost his patience.” She took a sip of tea, then admitted quietly, “I wish I had noticed sooner how upset he was about his body. The Ones were made in honor of my father, you know. I had only the best of intentions for them…”

Caspar stared at her for several seconds, saying nothing. Not even touching his tea. “What about my model?” he finally asked, voice so tight it might snap.

Ellen smiled softly, brushing back a lock of blonde hair. “The five of us… we were grateful to have survived the war with the Centurions, but we had lost so many loved ones… it was tempting to pattern the models after those we cared about. Physically as well as psychologically.”

Her gaze traced over the lines of Caspar’s face, her expression turning wistful. “There was another scientist we worked closely with early on in our research. A quiet fellow, soft-spoken but with a wicked sense of humor, once you got to know him. He was one of the most patient people I’ve ever met.The rest of us were… impulsive. It was a new technology, and we wanted it up and running as soon as possible, especially with war looming on the horizon. He was there to help us through our stumbling blocks and mistakes.”

Ellen might as well have been describing Caspar’s tenure on the Chiron, in Adia’s opinion, but she kept that thought to herself. Whatever this man’s life was like, it ended in tragedy. She placed a hand on Caspar’s arm, as if bracing him for the impact.

“We used to call him our guardian angel because of how much he looked after us,” Ellen continued, laughing softly at the memory. Her countenance grew heavy as she let out a slow breath and set down her tea. “What we didn’t know is that he was struggling with his own demons. He had a history of depression, and when he relapsed, he kept it to himself. He didn’t show up to work one day, so Tory went to check on him —“

Caspar’s tea cup clattered to the table, sloshing its contents into the saucer underneath. By contrast, his expression was like solid ice, his hazel eyes burning cold. “You’re telling me that you based my model after a man who killed himself? Why?”

“We felt guilty,” Ellen replied, voice small. For the first time since they arrived, she couldn’t seem to look Caspar in the eyes. “We weren’t there for him, the way he was there for us.”

“So you saddle an entire Cylon model with a psychological burden just because you feel guilty for ignoring the problems of your special helper friend. Real classy, Ellen. Great example for the Ones, no wonder they turned against you.”

Ellen shook her head in protest. “It wasn’t like that. You aren’t a clone of him, you’re a…”

“A what? An homage? A pastiche?” He stood up suddenly, dislodging Adia’s hand. “You know what, I’ve heard enough. You’ve had all this time to think about what you’ve done, and you’re still making excuses. No wonder the five of you needed someone to look out for you, because you’re absolute crap at it on your own.”

Without waiting for Adia, he left, slamming the door behind him.

Adia set down her cup and hurriedly got to her feet. “I should go,” she told Ellen. Her tone was apologetic but her mind was entirely on Caspar’s well-being. “Thank you for the tea.”

Ellen smiled at her sadly, her eyes full of sorrow and regret. “You understand, don’t you? When you miss someone, you’ll do anything to see them again, and if you can’t do that, you do your best to honor their memory. That’s all we were trying to do.”

“I understand, Ellen.” Which is what made it so difficult for her to say what followed. “I think it’s best if you stay out of our lives from now on.”

She turned towards the door, catching only a glimpse of the distraught look on Ellen’s face. It made her feel extremely uncomfortable to not give the other woman a second chance, but she couldn’t risk causing Caspar even more trauma.

Ellen had already done plenty.

~*~

It didn’t take her long to catch up to Caspar. He was at the head of the trail that led to the Tigh property, standing much like he did when she found him on New Year’s Eve, all stiff and shaky. Wordlessly, she put her arms around him and held him until he softened against her and returned the hug.

“That sucked,” he muttered, resting his forehead against hers. “She sucks.”

“She made a lot of bad decisions,” Adia softly agreed.

“You got that right.” Caspar’s eyes were shut, his voice low and bitter. “She made me, after all.”

“Hey, don’t.” She pulled back to look at him seriously.. “You aren’t a bad decision. And she didn’t make you, she only made the body that you’re in.”

He squinted at her, skeptical. “She made the wrinkled mass of nervous tissue inside my head. Isn’t that the same thing?”

“Cas. You’re asking me a question that people have been debating for literally thousands of years. Nobody knows the answer to that, not for sure.” She placed a hand over his heart. “What I do know is that whoever is in here, I love him very much.”

Caspar sighed and placed a hand over hers. “You really know how to put a damper on a guy’s self-loathing, you know that?”

“Good,” she said, so firmly that it made him chuckle. She watched, relieved, as the rest of his tension drained out of him. “But, um… I mean, I don’t want to minimize your feelings, if you want to talk about them some more.”

“I do.” He looked her over thoughtfully, before planting a kiss on her lips. “At the cabin. I want to put some distance between myself and Ellen first.”

He took her hand, and together, they returned home.
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Caspar Costas (née Millen)

March 2019

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